Seedy Multigrain Sourdough Bread

It’s FINALLY here!! I apologize for the long wait for this recipe. I’d like to say I just have really great boundaries about not working in the evenings/while my children are awake, but ultimately I’m just too lazy to do anything productive after 5:30 pm 🤪. If you’re interested in seeing a video of this in real action, head over to my instagram stories. I tried to make it a little more succinct and did some 2X speed. It’s not super cohesive, but it gives you the idea.

You’ll need a sourdough starter in order to make this. If you have a friend who makes it, ask them to share the love and give you some. If not, I made my own starter using this post. I’ve been making regular white sourdough for a year and a half now and we’ve really enjoyed it. But THEN.... Then I discovered this bread. I LOVE the nuttiness and chewiness of this recipe and we enjoy it both warm and soft or toasted. And if you want to be really crazy, have it both savory and sweet. Cut a nice thick piece and top half with avocado, garlic salt, and an egg and the other half with almond butter, cinnamon, and strawberries.

This recipe DOES take a long time to make and is a bit involved, so I suggest making it on a Friday/Saturday night and baking the next morning or a Saturday/Sunday morning and baking it in the evening. Either way, the end result is 100000% worth it.

Although I’ve been making sourdough for awhile, I still feel like a novice. I don’t know all the ins and outs of it, and I certainly don’t follow all of the sourdough “rules,” but I find that this works for me. Even if it turns out a little flat, it’s still delicious. One major thing that I do is bake it in a 6-inch saucepan. The smaller circumference of the dish allows it to rise more and completely circular. If you have a saucepan with a lid that can go in the oven, I HIGHLY recommend you do it that way.

This bread is only fresh for the first few days, so I recommend cutting and freezing a few pieces if you don’t expect to eat it everyday. However, there are weeks that we have zero difficulty eating it all. I am perfectly okay with eating it everyday, or even twice a day. 😉

If you end up making this, please please let me know what you think!!

Yield: 1 loaf

Author: Ashley Smith, RD

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Seedy Multigrain Sourdough Bread

Chewy, nutty sourdough bread that is perfect alone or topped with your favorite toast toppings. You'll never want to go back to store bought bread again!

Cook time: 50 MinTotal time: 50 Min

Ingredients

DOUGH

• 50-75 g sourdough starter
• 300 g water
• 100 g whole wheat flour
• 400 g all purpose flour
• 10 g salt

SEED MIXTURE

• 2 Tbsp pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
• 2 Tbsp millet
• 2 Tbsp sunflower seeds, salted
• 2 Tbsp quinoa
• 2 Tbsp flax seed
• 3 Tbsp oats (old fashioned or quick)
• 3/4 cup boiling water

Instructions

1. Feed your starter with 1/4 cup all purpose flour and 1/4 cup water 1-2 hours before making dough to activate your starter. You can add a teaspoon of starter to a bowl of water to see if it is ready. If it floats immediately, it’s ready to make bread with.
2. Using a food scale, add 50-75 grams of sourdough starter to medium sized bowl. Add 300 grams of water and stir to combine. Add whole wheat, all purpose flour, and salt and stir until fully combined. You may have to use your hands to get it fully incorporated. Cover with saran wrap or wet towel and set aside for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, combine all of the seed/grain mixture in a small bowl and add boiling water.
3. After the dough and seed mixture have rested for 30 minutes, add the seed mixture and combine with your hands until is it fully incorporated. Cover and set aside for 30 minutes. Once your timer goes off, “stretch” the dough by wetting your hand, grabbing the dough and pulling it up and towards the center, and continuing in a counter clockwise direction until you’ve stretched the dough 1-2 times completely around. Cover and stretch 1-2 times more (30 minutes apart) or just leave on the counter. More stretching increases the gluten structure strength. Leave the dough on your counter for 8-12 hours or until it is jiggly and has bubbles.
4. Preheat the oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. Meanwhile, heavily flour a work surface and place dough on the flour. Shape the dough by folding the dough in a counterclockwise direction. Once you’ve gone completely around, flip the dough seam-side down and tuck the dough under. Place into a large dutch oven with parchment paper or a greased 6 inch oven-safe sauce pan seam side down. “Score” the dough by cutting the top of the dough with a sharp knife.
5. Turn the oven down to 450 and place the dough in the oven WITH the lid on and bake for 20 minutes. Take the lid off and bake for an additional 30 minutes.
6. Once the bread is fully baked, take out of the pan and cool on a cooling rack for an hour. Devour! Store in an airtight bag or container for up to 4 days.

Harlow Kay's Birth Story

In case you didn’t know, I had a baby!! 🤪 This past year or so has been so hard and weird that I didn’t really share much on social media. But she’s here and we are totally in love. She’s so so sweet and we don’t remember life before her.

Going into this labor, I had a lot of concerns and anxieties. My birth story with Camden was actually pretty traumatic. I labored at home with a doula, and it was exactly what I envisioned and wanted (as much as you can envision how labor will go! haha), but once we got to the hospital it was complete chaos. I got there and had Cam 30 minutes later. However, he was sunny side up and his heart rate was dropping, so they were manually turning him between each contraction to try to get him in a good position to get out. They had to use a vacuum and I ended up with a fourth degree tear. I hated that I had ZERO control over what they were doing to my body (I know it was medically necessary) and I felt violated. Not to mention it was incredibly, incredibly painful. Really, I should have gone to counseling to work through that trauma, but with a pandemic and with me being lazy, it didn’t happen. So going into this labor, I had a lot of concerns about what my hospital experience would be like, how the nurses and OB would treat me, and the potential for tearing again (FYI, having a fourth degree tear increases your risk of having another, which significantly increases your risk for having fecal incontinence. Um, no thank you). I also had worries about when I would go into labor, how quickly I would progress, and who would take care of Camden. My biggest fear was going into labor in the middle of the night and asking my mom to come too late and then me having a chaotic story like last time. I also was so concerned that Cam would wake up in the morning with us gone. My heart broke thinking about him feeling afraid or abandoned.

Girlfriend was making things very uncomfortable for my organs...haha

With Camden, I had symphysis pubic dysfunction (SPD) and it got really bad those last few weeks of pregnancy. I actually had it again this pregnancy, but it kicked in at week 14. I started going to pelvic floor PT and seeing a chiropractor and noticed a HUGE difference. I couldn’t go for walks or do certain exercises, but I felt really supported and strong by the functional exercise I did. Despite mild recurring nausea, acid reflux, and fatigue, overall I felt pretty good and had a healthy pregnancy. However, I did notice the palm of my left hand started itching at night around 26-27 weeks. I thought it was probably some random, harmless symptom of pregnancy and decided to google it. I found out that it can actually be a symptom of a serious condition called cholestasis. Basically, in pregnancy, you can have issues with your liver that lead to increased bile acids/salts in the blood that can then cause random fetal death. If you’re diagnosed with it, they have to do regular monitoring, medications, and induction at 36 weeks. I got tested for it at 27 weeks, but randomly that week my palm wasn’t itching, and the labs came back normal. The itching would come and go and it was pretty concerning to me based off of other people’s stories I read. Throughout my pregnancy I prayed for the health of sweet Harlow and for wisdom to know if I needed to bring it up again. I mentioned it again around 36 weeks, but since it was mild and only in one hand, my OB didn’t think it was anything. It continued to weigh on my mind, so I eventually called about it and they ordered labs. Something about this lab requires them to send it out, so it takes about a week to get the results back. I finally called on Monday, Feb 8th to see if they had gotten my lab results back and they called me 30 minutes before their office closed saying that they wanted me to come in the next morning for an ultrasound and to talk to my OB about the lab results. I asked if I was going to be induced and if I should have my mom come to town, but they told me they couldn’t tell me anything over the phone. How frustrating! And it really caused me to worry about the health and safety of my baby girl.  

I went to see my OB at 9:30 Tuesday morning, fully expecting to be induced, but also hoping that I didn’t have cholestasis. Because of my appointment, I had Camden go over to a neighbor’s house to play while I was gone. Thankfully my neighbor was prepared to have him there for several hours if I did need to get induced. At my appointment, the ultrasound looked normal, but my OB told me my labs were elevated and that we needed to get Harlow out. When I was there, she checked me and I was actually at a 4 and 85-90% effaced (I had been at a 3 since 37 weeks). She knew I didn’t want to get pitocin and preferred to have an unmedicated birth (preferred is a deceptive word—I WANTED the epidural, but I wanted to reduce my risk of tearing) so she told me that since my body was already preparing, that she thought breaking my water would naturally induce labor. I called my mom to have her drive up here and headed home to pick up Isaac and our hospital bags as well as to tell Camden bye. It was an emotional goodbye for me, but he had no cares in the world. We got to the hospital at 11:15 and got settled into our deliver room. And then we sat. For two hours. 🤣 Had I known, I totally would have eaten lunch before!! Home girl was getting really hungry before it even began!

Waiting to have my water broken.

The OB on call finally broke my water at 1:15 and then we just waited for things to get going. After she left the room, I started feeling REALLY lightheaded and started to black out. I broke out in a sweat and kept telling myself to “get it together”. 🤣  It hadn’t hurt at all (I didn’t even feel anything), but we think I had a vagal response due to me being nervous and anxious about it. Ironically, I was already having contractions as we waited, but I didn’t know it. Also, I think it’s really funny that I sat in bed and finished a book after she broke my water. Not at all how I envisioned an “induction” labor. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and that’s when I realized how. much. water surrounds babies in the womb. I couldn’t get over how much kept coming out. 🤪 Getting up and losing more water helped Harlow move down and get labor going. At 2:30 my nurse offered me a peanut ball and I sat and moved around on it to help labor progress. By 3:00, my contractions started to intensify, but were totally manageable. My nurse told me that the peanut ball would feel good until it didn’t and boy was she right!! At 4:45 I got up to go to the bathroom again and the contractions started getting a lot more intense. From then on, I had Isaac do hip squeezes for each contraction. It was at this point that I got rid of that peanut ball and switched to a regular exercise ball. We raised the bed and I would lean over the bed while Isaac gave me a hip squeeze through the contraction and then as soon as it was over, I would sit on the medicine ball and lay my head on the bed. Wearing the heart rate monitor and contraction monitor allowed Isaac to see when I was starting to have a contraction and then to know when it was ending. I could NOT have done it without his help and encouragement. We were such a team and looking back it was such an intimate experience for us. He would squeeze my hips and give me words of encouragement through each contraction. By 5:30 the room was prepped for me to deliver. I felt like the contractions were the same intensity as when I delivered with Camden and my body was shaky, so I was sure that I was really close. I finally had the nurse check me around 6:20/6:30 and I was only at an 8. Yes, that’s super close, by I figured I had to be at a 9 or 10 and about to push. I told the nurse I wanted an epidural. She asked me if I was sure (because I had expressed how I hoped to labor and deliver before it all got started) and Isaac gave me words of encouragement, but I was done with the pain and didn’t want to experience it anymore. She was setting things up for me to get an IV and then I felt more pressure and like I could push. The nurse wanted to check me again and this time I was at a 10 and fully effaced (yes, like 5 minutes later). She told me I didn’t have time for the epidural and was ready to push. I was SO MAD I didn’t get the epidural 30 minutes earlier! Haha. I pushed once on my hands and knees while Isaac gave me a hip squeeze and then someone asked if I wanted to roll over on my back. I remember not wanting to move because I wanted Isaac to continue hip squeezes (which obviously isn’t possible if I was on my back, but also not doable during pushing either haha), but that I also just wanted to get it all over with and couldn’t make a decision. I remember hearing my nurse tell them to just leave me where I was. I pushed again and could feel the ring of fire as her head started to come out. I didn’t want to experience another contraction because they were so intense, but I also wanted to get her out so that the burning would stop. It was such a strange experience! I pushed about two more times and felt her head release and heard the medical staff telling me to continue pushing her shoulders out. Once her shoulders were out the rest was a breeze. She was born at 6:44 pm and was 21 inches and weighed 8 lb 3 oz. 

I was SO SO thankful for the experience I had and for how the Lord orchestrated everything. I thought an induction would be the worst possible scenario, but it allowed for us to set up child care and not have to figure out when I needed to get to the hospital. I was worried about being on continuous monitoring and it was not an issue at all. I was worried labor might be suuuper long, but was only 5.5 hours. I was afraid the medical staff might pressure me into doing something I didn’t want to, but our nurses were incredibly supportive of how I wanted to labor and deliver and then advocated for me pushing in the position I wanted to when I wasn’t able to advocate for myself. I was terrified I might tear badly again and I ended up with only a first degree tear. I was concerned about the health of Harlow and she was born perfectly healthy. It was 100% the Lord’s provision for us. Our story is not at all how I would have planned, but now looking back, I can see how His plan was far better than my own. 

We’ve been resting and healing and getting into the groove of being a family of 4. We’re so thankful!

Exploring Biblical root issues for our eating struggles

A few years ago, I wrote an article—my thoughts on the Bible and food/weight obsession—that happens to be most my popular article (that people are somehow still reading today—what?!?) and one that a lot of my readers resonate with. Because of the large positive response I continue to receive from that post, I thought it might be helpful to provide some more content about food and eating concerns from a biblical perspective. As I’ve mentioned before, I know not all of my readers connect with Christianity, so if that is you, I understand that this post won’t resonate with you. I promise to be back with yummy recipes and intuitive eating/eating disorder recovery posts. But for those of you who are searching the internet for Christian resources (which seems to be pretty common) and are feeling at a loss when it comes to your eating struggles and walk with the Lord, I pray I can provide some encouragement and points to consider.

As a disclaimer, I want to point out that I don’t have it all together and certainly don’t know everything there is to know regarding faith and eating struggles. But I am constantly asking the Lord how His Word and gospel informs these areas of food, body, and health. It’s something He is going to be continually teaching me about and challenging my views on. But that’s part of sanctification—the ongoing work of becoming more like Him through the Holy Spirit. If you feel like anything I’ve said is not in line with Scripture or the gospel, please graciously express your concerns with me. I want to be sure that I am sharing truth—it’s a BIG responsibility handling and sharing the Word of God! I also want to point out that our struggles are complicated and multifaceted. So although I am addressing the spiritual side of things in this blog post, that doesn’t mean that we just “need to have more faith” or that if we “just prayed about it more, we would get better.” There is trauma that deeply impacts and changes our brains and bodies, hormonal and chemical imbalances that need medication, etc.

A lot of my believing clients or readers who reach out to me express a degree of desperation in their search for freedom with food and body. And I get it. I can remember countless tears, prayers, and petitions to the Lord to free me from my food obsession. I remember reading Christian books that created turmoil for me because of what I thought the Lord was calling me to with food, and my actual lived experience. I had so much shame and guilt when it came to my struggles with food. Why couldn’t I get it together? Why did I have to think about food so much and love it above God? Why couldn't I stop eating the dessert at parties, when I would beg and plead with God beforehand?  And I’m guessing for some of you, there are questions like: “if I have the Holy Spirit, why do I keep bingeing/purging/restricting?”, “why can’t I overcome my eating disorder?” “what do I do to no longer be a glutton?”, “how can the Lord love someone as disgusting and undisciplined as I?”, “why do I keep failing at taking care of my body, His ‘temple’? And the list goes on.

So. Much. Shame.

So. Much. Condemnation.

I see a common theme with a lot of my clients (and general chatter) experiencing shame and guilt regarding what they view as gluttony and the idolatry of food and pleasure.* And I’m not here to make light of sin. I don’t want to minimize what Jesus died for. But I also know that shame does not bring us to the foot of the cross, nor does it fuel us towards truly healthy behaviors. I believe gluttony and idolatry (of anything) absolutely can be the heart issues for some, but I think there are a lot of other ones that need to be explored, repented of, and then surrendered to the Lord so that we can walk in the life He has redeemed us for. If we don’t know the root cause, we can’t do the work of uprooting it and planting something different.

So here are a few common roots that I would encourage you to consider…

Idolatry of our bodies. Um, hello, this was me. What I thought was the idolatry of food was actually the idolatry of my body. Everything I did revolved around what it would or wouldn’t do to my body. I spent countless hours (and brain space) exercising, researching recipes, looking up calorie counts, planning out my meals or snacks. Controlling my body and making it look the way I wanted it to dictated everything and caused me to miss out on many opportunities to connect with others and to connect with my Father. I was constantly asking the Lord to take away my love for food and constant thoughts of it (at every church event I was thinking about how I wanted to get home so I could eat a snack or was planning out what I was going to eat next). What I didn’t realize at the time was that He wasn’t asking me to give up food, but instead give up control of my body, trusting that He had designed it and had good plans for my life, regardless of what it ended up looking like.

Which leads me to…Not trusting God is good or that He alone is enough. It is incredibly scary to give up control over the size of our bodies. But the reality is, God created our bodies with incredible wisdom. And He created them to be all different shapes and sizes, and yet still deemed them all as good. However, regardless of where your body ends up compared to your or society’s expectations, God is good and had YOUR good in mind when He created you and still has your good (and His glory) in mind. Fearing that He designed it to be a size that won’t allow you to live an abundant life doesn’t trust that He wants what is for your flourishing. And I get it, there are certainly certain sizes that aren’t accepted in our culture, but that doesn’t mean your body is a mistake or the problem—culture is. The Lord is near to those who are brokenhearted and can provide the comfort, acceptance, and reassurance that we need. I remember one time in marriage counseling that our counselor gently reminded me regardless of whether or not my husband fulfills the roles he is supposed to, the Lord is enough for me to fill those voids and heartaches (thankfully the Lord has done SO much in our marriage!). He alone satisfies our deepest longings, not a certain body size, degree of acceptance, or health status.

How has the Lord shown He is good or trustworthy in the past? Are there examples in Scripture that encourage you? How can you apply this head and heart knowledge to your current struggle?

People pleasing. So many of my clients report fear of judgment over their body size or food choices. This fear ends up dictating all of their food choices and getting in the way of being able to care for their bodies and minds. Again, it makes sense that people would fear judgment or poor treatment when they have seen others be treated this way or have experienced it personally. I’m not here to argue that it doesn’t happen or isn’t wrong. But I see the desire to be loved and accepted (I believe a God-given desire—HE is relational) becoming ultimate. Food and movement choices are fully at the mercy of whoever they around and how they believe those choices will impact their acceptance and approval.

What would it look like for me to seek God’s approval above all else? How can I seek to please the Lord over man? What would it look for me to realize I am already fully known, accepted, and loved by my Father?

Envy or discontentment. Ooph. This one hits hard for me as well. I struggle with envy and discontentment specifically in the areas of other’s bodies and other’s finances. My heart is so quick to think “why can’t I have what they have?” I remember listening to a sermon by Matt Chandler about discontentment and he said that ultimately, when we want what others have, we are accusing God of not having our best interest in mind. Essentially, I’m saying, “God, if you really knew what is best for me, you would have given me her body…or you would have given us the same income as them.” Talk about a heart check! We also believe that whatever we are envious of or wanting for will make us truly happy, secure, or confident. In reality, if our hope, happiness, or security is rooted in anything other than Christ, we’re not going to find it. At least not for long.

Is it possible that your desire for changing your body (and subsequent restriction, overexercise, or purging and then rebound bingeing/overeating) is rooted in a discontentment with the body God has given you? Do you find yourself comparing your body to those around you, constantly condemning theirs or yours?

The need for control Gosh, this plays out in so many different ways. Controlling our food, exercise, health status, or weight can be a way of us feeling like we are in control of our lives. But here’s the reality. We’re NOT. And that’s actually good news! Our good Father, who has our best in mind, is ultimately in control. And even better, for those who belong to Him, regardless of what happens to our bodies here on earth, there is nothing that can separate us from His love or eternity with Him. Trying to control our lives is exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and ultimately fruitless.

Do you feel the need to control your body or health because life feels overwhelming and out of control? Is this something you could stop and pray about when you feel the need to start micromanaging?

Pride. Again, a major one for me. We’re taught that our body size is within our control. So following that belief, if you’re small, it’s something you’ve “earned” and should be praised for. And eating only “healthy” foods is absolutely praised. Being thin, fit, and “disciplined” was something I placed my identity in and found pride in. I believed it set me apart from others and even made me better (yuck, I don’t like admitting that). Jesus came to tear down any dividing walls between Himself and us and between one another. May we not build them up again because of our pride in our bodies or food choices!

My goal in providing this is not to be condemning. I want to encourage you all to explore the deeper reasons behind your struggles with food so that you can repent and give them over to the Lord in order to walk in freedom and joy. I am so grateful that we don't have to pay penance for our sins—Jesus has already taken care of our sins on the cross!

 “No guilt, no shame, no curse, no chains, oh God, You came, Redeemer” -Gracious Redeemer song

So…I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you identify with any of the above struggles? Did you uncover anything new in your heart?

*I think there are some that struggle with glutton or idolatry of food/pleasure, but I think that often times, restriction is really at the center. Restriction makes us think about food ALL the time. It makes us desire it and crave it strongly. It causes us to overeat the off-limits foods when we DO eat them. And this is because our bodies are wired to keep us alive. When food is limited, our brains thinking about it drives us to eat. Our bodies can’t tell the difference between chosen restriction and famine.