Harlow Kay's Birth Story

In case you didn’t know, I had a baby!! 🤪 This past year or so has been so hard and weird that I didn’t really share much on social media. But she’s here and we are totally in love. She’s so so sweet and we don’t remember life before her.

Going into this labor, I had a lot of concerns and anxieties. My birth story with Camden was actually pretty traumatic. I labored at home with a doula, and it was exactly what I envisioned and wanted (as much as you can envision how labor will go! haha), but once we got to the hospital it was complete chaos. I got there and had Cam 30 minutes later. However, he was sunny side up and his heart rate was dropping, so they were manually turning him between each contraction to try to get him in a good position to get out. They had to use a vacuum and I ended up with a fourth degree tear. I hated that I had ZERO control over what they were doing to my body (I know it was medically necessary) and I felt violated. Not to mention it was incredibly, incredibly painful. Really, I should have gone to counseling to work through that trauma, but with a pandemic and with me being lazy, it didn’t happen. So going into this labor, I had a lot of concerns about what my hospital experience would be like, how the nurses and OB would treat me, and the potential for tearing again (FYI, having a fourth degree tear increases your risk of having another, which significantly increases your risk for having fecal incontinence. Um, no thank you). I also had worries about when I would go into labor, how quickly I would progress, and who would take care of Camden. My biggest fear was going into labor in the middle of the night and asking my mom to come too late and then me having a chaotic story like last time. I also was so concerned that Cam would wake up in the morning with us gone. My heart broke thinking about him feeling afraid or abandoned.

Girlfriend was making things very uncomfortable for my organs...haha

With Camden, I had symphysis pubic dysfunction (SPD) and it got really bad those last few weeks of pregnancy. I actually had it again this pregnancy, but it kicked in at week 14. I started going to pelvic floor PT and seeing a chiropractor and noticed a HUGE difference. I couldn’t go for walks or do certain exercises, but I felt really supported and strong by the functional exercise I did. Despite mild recurring nausea, acid reflux, and fatigue, overall I felt pretty good and had a healthy pregnancy. However, I did notice the palm of my left hand started itching at night around 26-27 weeks. I thought it was probably some random, harmless symptom of pregnancy and decided to google it. I found out that it can actually be a symptom of a serious condition called cholestasis. Basically, in pregnancy, you can have issues with your liver that lead to increased bile acids/salts in the blood that can then cause random fetal death. If you’re diagnosed with it, they have to do regular monitoring, medications, and induction at 36 weeks. I got tested for it at 27 weeks, but randomly that week my palm wasn’t itching, and the labs came back normal. The itching would come and go and it was pretty concerning to me based off of other people’s stories I read. Throughout my pregnancy I prayed for the health of sweet Harlow and for wisdom to know if I needed to bring it up again. I mentioned it again around 36 weeks, but since it was mild and only in one hand, my OB didn’t think it was anything. It continued to weigh on my mind, so I eventually called about it and they ordered labs. Something about this lab requires them to send it out, so it takes about a week to get the results back. I finally called on Monday, Feb 8th to see if they had gotten my lab results back and they called me 30 minutes before their office closed saying that they wanted me to come in the next morning for an ultrasound and to talk to my OB about the lab results. I asked if I was going to be induced and if I should have my mom come to town, but they told me they couldn’t tell me anything over the phone. How frustrating! And it really caused me to worry about the health and safety of my baby girl.  

I went to see my OB at 9:30 Tuesday morning, fully expecting to be induced, but also hoping that I didn’t have cholestasis. Because of my appointment, I had Camden go over to a neighbor’s house to play while I was gone. Thankfully my neighbor was prepared to have him there for several hours if I did need to get induced. At my appointment, the ultrasound looked normal, but my OB told me my labs were elevated and that we needed to get Harlow out. When I was there, she checked me and I was actually at a 4 and 85-90% effaced (I had been at a 3 since 37 weeks). She knew I didn’t want to get pitocin and preferred to have an unmedicated birth (preferred is a deceptive word—I WANTED the epidural, but I wanted to reduce my risk of tearing) so she told me that since my body was already preparing, that she thought breaking my water would naturally induce labor. I called my mom to have her drive up here and headed home to pick up Isaac and our hospital bags as well as to tell Camden bye. It was an emotional goodbye for me, but he had no cares in the world. We got to the hospital at 11:15 and got settled into our deliver room. And then we sat. For two hours. 🤣 Had I known, I totally would have eaten lunch before!! Home girl was getting really hungry before it even began!

Waiting to have my water broken.

The OB on call finally broke my water at 1:15 and then we just waited for things to get going. After she left the room, I started feeling REALLY lightheaded and started to black out. I broke out in a sweat and kept telling myself to “get it together”. 🤣  It hadn’t hurt at all (I didn’t even feel anything), but we think I had a vagal response due to me being nervous and anxious about it. Ironically, I was already having contractions as we waited, but I didn’t know it. Also, I think it’s really funny that I sat in bed and finished a book after she broke my water. Not at all how I envisioned an “induction” labor. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and that’s when I realized how. much. water surrounds babies in the womb. I couldn’t get over how much kept coming out. 🤪 Getting up and losing more water helped Harlow move down and get labor going. At 2:30 my nurse offered me a peanut ball and I sat and moved around on it to help labor progress. By 3:00, my contractions started to intensify, but were totally manageable. My nurse told me that the peanut ball would feel good until it didn’t and boy was she right!! At 4:45 I got up to go to the bathroom again and the contractions started getting a lot more intense. From then on, I had Isaac do hip squeezes for each contraction. It was at this point that I got rid of that peanut ball and switched to a regular exercise ball. We raised the bed and I would lean over the bed while Isaac gave me a hip squeeze through the contraction and then as soon as it was over, I would sit on the medicine ball and lay my head on the bed. Wearing the heart rate monitor and contraction monitor allowed Isaac to see when I was starting to have a contraction and then to know when it was ending. I could NOT have done it without his help and encouragement. We were such a team and looking back it was such an intimate experience for us. He would squeeze my hips and give me words of encouragement through each contraction. By 5:30 the room was prepped for me to deliver. I felt like the contractions were the same intensity as when I delivered with Camden and my body was shaky, so I was sure that I was really close. I finally had the nurse check me around 6:20/6:30 and I was only at an 8. Yes, that’s super close, by I figured I had to be at a 9 or 10 and about to push. I told the nurse I wanted an epidural. She asked me if I was sure (because I had expressed how I hoped to labor and deliver before it all got started) and Isaac gave me words of encouragement, but I was done with the pain and didn’t want to experience it anymore. She was setting things up for me to get an IV and then I felt more pressure and like I could push. The nurse wanted to check me again and this time I was at a 10 and fully effaced (yes, like 5 minutes later). She told me I didn’t have time for the epidural and was ready to push. I was SO MAD I didn’t get the epidural 30 minutes earlier! Haha. I pushed once on my hands and knees while Isaac gave me a hip squeeze and then someone asked if I wanted to roll over on my back. I remember not wanting to move because I wanted Isaac to continue hip squeezes (which obviously isn’t possible if I was on my back, but also not doable during pushing either haha), but that I also just wanted to get it all over with and couldn’t make a decision. I remember hearing my nurse tell them to just leave me where I was. I pushed again and could feel the ring of fire as her head started to come out. I didn’t want to experience another contraction because they were so intense, but I also wanted to get her out so that the burning would stop. It was such a strange experience! I pushed about two more times and felt her head release and heard the medical staff telling me to continue pushing her shoulders out. Once her shoulders were out the rest was a breeze. She was born at 6:44 pm and was 21 inches and weighed 8 lb 3 oz. 

I was SO SO thankful for the experience I had and for how the Lord orchestrated everything. I thought an induction would be the worst possible scenario, but it allowed for us to set up child care and not have to figure out when I needed to get to the hospital. I was worried about being on continuous monitoring and it was not an issue at all. I was worried labor might be suuuper long, but was only 5.5 hours. I was afraid the medical staff might pressure me into doing something I didn’t want to, but our nurses were incredibly supportive of how I wanted to labor and deliver and then advocated for me pushing in the position I wanted to when I wasn’t able to advocate for myself. I was terrified I might tear badly again and I ended up with only a first degree tear. I was concerned about the health of Harlow and she was born perfectly healthy. It was 100% the Lord’s provision for us. Our story is not at all how I would have planned, but now looking back, I can see how His plan was far better than my own. 

We’ve been resting and healing and getting into the groove of being a family of 4. We’re so thankful!

Maternal intake and breastfeeding

So I’ve been trying to write this blog post for several weeks now. But a certain babe has kept me from having the free time and mental space to actually do it. 🙄Such is life right now…

When it comes to pregnancy and breastfeeding, there is a LOT of pressure put on moms to have the perfect diet in order to provide the best nutrition for their growing babies. But can I be honest? That’s way too much pressure for me to handle. Yes, during pregnancy and now breastfeeding I am providing all of the nutrition for my baby. But getting it “perfect” is just too much pressure for anyone and can create a lot of fear, guilt, or shame. Besides, the opinion on the optimal diet changes from one person to the next (sounds a lot like the rest of diet culture). During pregnancy I just focused on eating what I wanted, when I wanted it, and as much as I needed. I didn’t focus on certain macros or food groups. I trusted that my body would lead me towards what it needed to grow my baby.

And this is the perspective I have taken into breastfeeding. Sure, I focus on drinking enough water and eating enough food, but it’s not difficult for me since my body is constantly telling me to eat and drink. 😂 However, since I’m in this stage of life and there is a lot of well-meaning (but stressful) advice out there for breastfeeding mothers, I decided to look into the research about breast milk and how maternal diet impacts it. I hope you find this post helpful if you are in this stage of life! Also, this post is not to convince you to breastfeed your baby. I completely understand that this is not always feasible and believe that “fed is best.” Please do not let this post shame you if breastfeeding was not feasible for you or if you chose to use formula instead.

Here’s a little bit of background information on breast milk. First, it contains a variety of growth factors, hormones, enzymes, immune system factors, macronutrients (protein, carbs, and fat), and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals). It’s caloric content varies from the beginning of the feeding to the end of a feeding, feeding to feeding, and even day to day. Lactose (a type of carbohydrate) is the most abundant macronutrient and is the most stable between feedings and from mother-to-mother. Fat content is what creates the most variability in composition and caloric content. It is more concentrated as the feeding goes on and varies in type depending on number of pregnancies, when your baby was born, how far you are postpartum (our body uses up our reserves of a certain type of fatty acid), and the types of fats you are consuming. Although the vitamins and minerals present in breast milk are in smaller quantities than in formula, it is actually more easily absorbed and utilized in the body. Basically, breast milk is constantly changing based on a variety of factors.

How does one’s food intake impact the nutrition available in milk? Can we increase the fat or vitamin/mineral content available in our milk? Here’s what we know—mom’s diet has some effect on breast milk composition, but probably not as big of an impact as we would like to think (fortunately or unfortunately). Neither mom’s food intake nor body composition are going to impact carbohydrate or protein content in the milk. But research does show that there is a correlation between maternal fat intake and breast milk fat composition. It doesn’t impact how much fat is present, rather the type of fat present in the milk. Some people have fattier milk (and therefore more calorically rich milk) than other moms, but I didn’t find any research that definitively answered the question of why there is so much variability among moms. Fortunately, volume of milk is important for infant growth rather than amount of fat or concentration of calories. This means that if you are feeding your baby often enough, they are going to be well-fed, even if your milk is on the lower side of fat/calories. (takes off some of the pressure, right?) A major type of fat that is impacted by maternal intake is that of DHA, a type of omega-3 that is important for brain development. Because of this information, I had been focusing on eating more plant sources of omega 3s (walnuts, flax seed, etc), but found out that the conversion of omega 3s into DHA in reality is pretty poor from these sources. The best sources are actually from fatty fish or a supplement. My recommendation? Take a prenatal vitamin with DHA 😉 (and eat some seafood if you like it!).

When it comes to vitamins and minerals for milk, food intake of those nutrients obviously creates the availability of them for milk. But just as we don’t have to consume 100% of our daily needs each day for our body (nutrition status is about overall intake over several days, not just one meal or day), we don’t have to consume 100% of all the vitamins or minerals every day for it to be present in adequate amounts in our milk. Research shows that our milk is incredibly resilient despite inadequate intakes, and slowly decreases in milk if it is not readily available from our diet. If we are lacking in certain nutrients day after day, our bodies will then use our own body’s reserves to feed our babies. Once that is used up, our milk concentration of those nutrients will suffer.

I know that breastfeeding is touted as THE way to help new moms lose their baby weight. There is a lot of pressure for moms to quickly return to their pre-baby body, which often results in moms trying to reduce food intake and increase exercise along with breastfeeding to get rid of that weight. In reality, research doesn’t support this. Yes, there are some moms who lose weight breastfeeding, but there is a large majority of the population who don’t. It makes sense that our bodies would hold onto extra energy if they are having to constantly supply energy for another human. It’s self-preservation. And although our milk supply and composition are fairly resilient regardless of our food intake, if we are not consuming enough food, it IS going to impact our ability to feed our babies as well as our ability to take care of ourselves.

I find it really comforting and reassuring that I don’t have much control over my breast milk composition and nutrient quality. Let’s take the pressure off of ourselves! But that doesn’t give us the excuse to underfeed our bodies in an attempt to make them smaller. Breastfeeding takes a big toll on mother’s nutrition status and requires that we feed our bodies regularly and adequately (and again, I recommend a prenatal supplement). We want to have the energy to take care of our babes, the available nutrition for our own bodies to create proper brain chemistry (motherhood is hard enough without having a lack of serotonin from underfeeding our bodies!), and the brain space to fully be present rather than thinking/worrying about food all the time.

I’d love to hear from you what your favorite breastfeeding snacks are (the hunger is no joke…)!

Sources:

http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/resources/mysteries.shtml

https://www.nap.edu/read/1577/chapter/1#xi

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0952327815000307