How my injury helped me find a more gentle relationship with exercise
Growing up, I hated formal exercise. I remember my family joining a local gym when I was in middle school, and I thought going was the worst thing in the world. Why in the world would you subject yourself to such torture?? And why would you make yourself sweat for no reason?!?! I was a fairly active kid playing outside or jumping on the trampoline, and I played volleyball and basketball in middle school. But you were not going to find me going to the gym of my own volition. No way, Jose.
And then one day, I decided going to the gym was a good idea. There was a lot that preceded that decision, but I won't get into that here. I decided it would be helpful because it would allow me to get closer to my goal of losing some weight. And then I decided it would be helpful for decreasing some of the anxiety and guilt I felt for eating more than I "should" have. My exercise wasn't too intense, but it was something that took high priority in my life. I hated going, but absolutely felt the need to.
Then for a while, I wasn't allowed to exercise. My therapist told me it wasn't a good idea (for mental and physical health reasons) and my parents fully backed her up. It was tough. Actually, ALL of that time in my life was tough. Fast forward to going to college. I wasn't engaging in much formal exercise (because let's get real, I was having way too much fun to have time for exercise!!), and I was eating more than I had when I was at home. My body had also been at a weight that wasn't sustainable without really disordered behaviors, so my weight started to creep up. And I became EXTREMELY uncomfortable about it. So I did what you're supposed to do, I decided I was going to start running. My family signed up for a relay and I started to train for the 5K leg. A month or so before the race, one of our teammates dropped out and I decided to take over the 10K leg for her.
The race was an absolute blast and I got bit by the running bug and decided I wanted to run a half marathon. That began my obsession with running, compensating for calories through exercise, and finding my identity in being a fast runner and intense exerciser. I ran several more half marathons throughout college. And although I look back on them with great fondness (I grew really close to the girls I trained with), I can now see how disordered it was for me. I HAD to workout every day. A workout didn't count unless I did quite a bit of cardio and I left absolutely exhausted. It got to the point that I was exercising twice a day on some days. I experienced extreme muscle fatigue, general apathy, and dizziness when I worked out. I never felt like my exercise was enough because I knew of other people who worked out harder and longer than I did. I desperately wanted validation that my hard work was enough. It never came.
Fast forward to my last semester of grad school. My husband and I trained for a half marathon together. It was my fastest pace yet and I got such a sense of accomplishment from all the hard work I put into it. During the race, I noticed a lot of lower back and butt pain. It didn't go away after the race and continued to get worse when I did certain exercises. The pain and tingling continued for another 6-12 months. It finally got to a point that I stopped running and even had to take a few weeks off and just walk. It was then that I started to reframe what exercise was and what it was for. I started to see walking as a form of movement that DID count as exercise. After backing off quite a bit from intense exercise, I finally decided to start physical therapy. I had to relearn how to do a lot of various exercises in order to engage the correct muscle groups. For awhile, my workouts were simply doing my physical therapy exercises. And those didn't include a whole lot of cardio. But I started to see a shift in the way I viewed physical activity. I was no longer willing to exercise at the expense of my body's wellbeing. And if I couldn't do an exercise properly, I wasn't willing to do it until I could. So that meant that I didn't engage in a lot of different exercises because my body simply couldn't do them correctly. I started to end a workout if I was tired, even if I hadn't completed the whole thing. I began to not stress out when I wasn't able to workout for a day, or even days. I realized that my worth wasn't hinging on how hard I worked out, how far or fast I ran, or how many calories were burned. I started to see exercise as a means of taking care of my body, not as a means of changing it to look the way I wanted it to.
In the moment, I never thought I was working out hard enough but am now able to recognize all of the harm I did to my body (fatigue, muscle imbalances, hormone imbalances, etc) in my quest for the ideal body and affirmation. And although my injury was incredibly frustrating and not working out was incredibly difficult emotionally, I'm so grateful for how it taught me to slow down and truly take care of my body.
If you struggle with a compulsion to hit the gym, I'd highly recommend taking a break, as well as creating some mantras you can remind yourself of when exercise becomes a form of compensation or identity. I'm no longer the fittest, fastest, or strongest, but I do have a strong sense of self-care, less anxiety and stress, and my body feels a whole lot better.
I'd love to hear about what YOU do to take care of your body??
Free FoodBodyLove Rally
Hey guys, just popping in to let you all know about a great opportunity that is starting TODAY. The FoodBodyLove Rally is a F-R-E-E (as in what we want you to be with food) 10-day online conference consisting of 35 incredible speakers. The main focus is on letting go of all of the food rules and pressure to look a certain way and instead to life a full life apart from the way our bodies are fed or how they look. Topics covered are:
- The psychology of eating disorders
- Nutrition and human metabolism
- Self-compassion
- Mindfulness
Some of the speakers include Christy Harrison, Evelyn Tribole, Rebecca Scritchfield, Isabel Foxen Duke, and Anita Johnston. Phew! Just those right there are a good enough reason to sign up! By signing up, you'll receive an email each day with a link to the videos for that day. You will have 24-hour access to those videos.
Want to watch them at a different time? Want to watch them over and over again? Sign up for the VIP access which gives you lifetime access to these videos.
To sign up go here https://truewarrior.samcart.com/referral/foodbodylove/7lFW4apnSgbFYSJU and enter in your name and email address. Can't wait to learn with you all!!
My RD Retreat with the Beef Council
Soooo, I meant to post this in the middle of last week. But as per usual, life (trip to Austin) got in the way and I wasn't able to get around to creating the post. A few months ago, I got an email inviting me to a three day retreat for dietitians with the Beef Council in Kansas City. Um, that was a no-brainer--YES!!! Several RD beef council representatives from Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri put the trip together. They were so gracious to pay for my travel and lodging, as well as incredible speakers. The purpose of the trip was to inform dietitians about beef preparation, nutrition, processing (from cattle to food on your table), and media representation so that we could form informed opinions around beef. (I'm hoping to write a blogpost on common beef misconceptions in the near future)
The conference started Tuesday at 11:00 am, so I decided to make the 5 hour drive Monday night after work so that I didn't have to wake up super early Tuesday morning, and also so that I could take advantage of some free time Tuesday morning to explore Kansas City. I got in around 10 Monday night, got settled in my room, and went to bed.
Tuesday morning, I woke up and did a short workout in the hotel gym since I figured I would be sitting most of the day.
I got cleaned up and headed out for some coffee and breakfast. The hotel we were staying at was pretty far north, so this was one of the closest places I found. I LOVED it and am so glad I decided to go there. Super cute atmosphere and delicious coffee/food. I went with a vanilla latte and breakfast burrito with chorizo.
While there I responded to some emails and then read She Reads Truth and a devotion on the IF:Gathering.
I headed back to the hotel, finished getting ready, and then met with the rest of the group to start the retreat/conference.
We first headed to a large Sysco distribution center, where we had a lunch consisting of several different types of lettuces/kale/ruffage, bread, and my first cut of beef for the trip. I appreciate veggies/lettuce, but I also really appreciate my carbs (I went back for another piece of bread), so I was a little unsatisfied with this meal. You win some, you lose some. Thankfully, I won a lot on this trip 😉
After lunch we had a food demonstration on how to cook certain cuts of beef, as well as how to get kids involved in the cooking/eating process.
Afterwards we divided into several group and did a Chopped competition with various cuts of beef and ethnic cuisine. Our group got a round tip and Mexican theme. We made chipotle and lime steak tacos with roasted poblanos, grilled cabbage, avocado, cojita cheese, and mango salsa....we didn't sample it so I have no idea what it tasted like 🙄 🙈
Afterwards we took a quick tour of the facility and then headed to dinner at Brio. Holy moly...this meal was absolutely incredible. I took pictures of the dishes, but the lighting was so terrible that the pictures looked disgusting. You're just gonna have to trust me that this was the best beef I've ever had 😍. Oh, and that mousse....🙋
Wednesday morning I woke up for a short walk before breakfast and then we all headed to a historic barn for two breakout sessions--one on protein's role in satiety and the other on taking a non-weight approach to improving health. I was super excited about the second session because the speaker, Leslie Schilling, had recently spoken at a conference I attended. She did such a great job....aaaaand we all got a copy of her new book!!
For lunch we had a buffet of several different burger sliders (holy cow, [literally] so so good!). I got a thai inspired one with mango salsa and another that I can't remember. But I did get some bacon and tomato to add to both because bacon makes everything taste better. I had it with some fruit and a roasted beet and carrot salad. It was fun because we got to eat lunch while talking with several ranchers from the area.
After lunch, we all headed out to a cattle ranch to see what one really looks like and then to ask questions to a panel of cattle rancher/producer experts.
I really appreciated being able to ask the panel tough questions about issues that get brought up around beef and health, environment, etc. It's important to be able to wade through fact and fiction when it comes to food production and nutrition, so I'm super grateful for this time.
After the panel, we drove back to the hotel, had free snacks at the hotel happy hour and then had the evening to ourselves. The Beef Council was super gracious to give us all gift cards to a nearby shopping center for dinner on our own. I wasn't really hungry after the hotel snacks and was in a funky food mood, so I ended up getting froyo for dinner (which I had a coupon for!) and used the gift card for a little bit of shopping. 😉
Side note, I totally came up with the divider concept for an entrepreneur class my sophomore year of college....
The next morning I went for another walk before breakfast at the hotel. The mornings here were absolutely glorious!! It was nice and brisk outside, and I loved starting off the day with some movement and a podcast.
Made to order scrambled eggs, a WHOLE pancake, and some watermelon.
We then headed to Kauffman Stadium, where the Royals baseball team play, for a session on food and video photography and then lunch. I was super excited for this session. I'm still taking pictures with my iphone, but maybe one day I will get a legit camera. It at least encouraged me to keep doing this blogging thing. 🤓
After lunch, we said our goodbyes and then I headed home for a full day of clients the next day. It was SUCH a great trip and I'm so grateful for the experience I had learning about beef, getting to know other dietitians, and eating good food :-)